viernes, 6 de octubre de 2017

Please Stop Saying “Thank You” By Kenzie Mayer


When thinking of cultural differences and adjustments between the United States, and more specifically, my life growing up in the Bay Area in California, and Sevilla, Spain, I constantly notice a contrast between the use of “please,” “thank you,” and “you’re welcome.” I consider myself to have good manners, but I would never call myself overly polite nor would I think that saying “thank you” would ever be frowned upon. My first couple weeks in Spain at my first homestay, I was a little confused with how the mother of my host family cooked, served the meal, did the dishes, etc. and the rest of the family helped minimally and, more noticeably, never expressed gratitude. Having their lunch plate placed in front of them, eating a delicious meal, and getting their food cleared away was all met by silence. I’d often express my gratitude after a meal and mumble “thank you” when it was first served. I did it because I was accustomed to it back at home, and it took a couple days for me to understand why I felt so strange every time I did: no one else said anything!

After moving homestays, my new family called me out the first night. My use of “please” and “thank you” had reached the quota very quickly, and my host dad told me “tonight, you’re fine, but tomorrow, no more ‘pleases’ and ‘thank yous.’” Confused, I asked “why not?” Afterall, I was grateful for what they were doing, and my background had ingrained the importance of telling and showing people that you appreciate what they are doing for you. He said it was because we were family and it wasn’t necessary. I didn’t fully understand. I still said “please” and “thank you” to my family all the time back home. I had never thought of them as exhausted phrases.

Over the past month, I’ve realized the social roles, relationships, and manners that underlie the limited use of these “polite phrases” that are so much more common in the U.S. Gratitude does not need to be constantly vocalized, and I now know that I should limit saying “please” and “thank you” especially while out in public because it can come off as annoying. Calling Spaniards rude because of this difference would be a bit ignorant because I would be egocentrically using the U.S. as the base frame of comparison, but it is fair to say that I notice more casual, repeated manners in the U.S. than here.

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